As In Savior
by EldestSalvatore
Summary: A look inside Damon's head during the events of 8x14 when he's preparing to sacrifice himself. It was too good to ignore.


**Summary:** A look inside Damon's head during the events of 8x14 when he's preparing to sacrifice himself. It was too good to ignore.

 **Authors Note:** Ian Somerhalder delivered like you wouldn't believe. Damon might not have said much but his eyes told a whole other story and that's the story I want you the readers to get a chance to witness.

* * *

Salvatore, it means savior but to be honest it had taken Damon over a century to actually live up to such a name. There had been a time when he had only chosen himself. He lived his life as the monster that people were taught to be terrified of. He counted only on himself because at the end of the day only he would be the one he could depend on. For years he remained the monster and only the monster but then one fateful night all that changed and he slowly let it sink in that the man was still there.

Elena Gilbert, she had been this brilliant beacon of light that had shed itself over the darkness that had covered him. In just one night she had made Damon, the all-powerful vampire absolutely terrified of a human because of everything she had made him feel in those short moments. That night hadn't been just any night because that night something had shifted in Damon, his humanity.

He had believed that would be the last he'd see of her but he had been wrong. She had stepped back into his life, literally crossing the threshold of the Boarding House and coming face to face with him. He had made a silent vow to himself not be drawn to her the way he had been on the road. He had promised himself he wouldn't be affected by her, but that was like fighting fate, something he couldn't win and bit by bit his walls came tumbling down. He found himself making new vows like to always protect her, to always choose her.

It didn't take him long to fall in love with her. Each second of every day he had fallen harder and harder. He denied it. Told himself it was merely lust but the day that he had stepped in at Miss Mystic Falls he knew, he knew he was in love. He always viewed her as something angelic, some earthbound angel and when she descended those stairs, that's what he had been presented with, an angel. It had taken everything in him not to rush those stairs and draw her straight into his arms. He found himself grateful for the dance because the moment he had the excuse to touch her, to feel her chest pressed against his, he had finally felt complete and nothing else mattered. Stefan, Katherine and all the supernatural doom and gloom faded away leaving only them, Elena and Damon.

Agony, that's what it felt like each time he had to witness the epic love affair of Elena and Stefan. Every time he saw the love reflecting in Elena's eyes for Stefan he'd close his eyes and pretend she was looking at him. Even in pretend though it wasn't enough because it wasn't real. Three times he had been at his most vulnerable telling her he loved her and three times he had been greeted to that ache. The night in her bedroom Damon had needed to get it off his chest, convinced if he did everything would go back to normal. Unfortunately, he had compelled the memory away because he had been scared to hear her reply. The second time he had said it had been on his deathbed. He had truly believed he'd be dying and she needed to know. He wanted her to know that it was possible for someone like Damon to love someone as wonderful as Elena Gilbert. Death never came, though. His brother had done the noble thing by trading himself over to Klaus. Damon had wanted to do right by Stefan by not going after his brother's girl but he wasn't perfect. He had tried, god had he tried but then that night on the porch he decided to be selfish once more because if he was going to feel guilty of something it might as well be over something that matters.

Kissing Elena had mattered. Kissing Elena had been like she had revived him and brought him back to life. He had held onto the smallest of hope that things were moving forward but to his disappointment, she hadn't seen it the same way. The third time he had said I love you he had been at his most raw. He hadn't compelled her, he wasn't dying he was simply a man telling a girl how he was mad at her because he loves her and she had broken him. Things had never been easy for them but then again that's the best part of a love story because love isn't easy, it's something you have to fight for and hell did they fight.

One step forward, countless steps back but somewhere along the way they had finally met in the middle. They had finally been where he knew they were meant to be all along, together. The summer of their lives Damon had felt for the first time what it was like to be happy. Had he known about the doom and gloom that was about to follow he would have clung on tighter to her. Silas, Travelers, Universe, Mega Doppelganger Hijinx, Vampire Virus, Prison World, Eternal Sunshine-d girlfriend, Lily and anything else presented themselves to them. Somehow, they always survived because they were survivors.

Out of all those obstacles though the cure had been the biggest one. The first time it had been introduced Damon had not so kindly told Elena he couldn't think of anything more miserable than being human. Deep down it had been because of the paranoia of the sire bond. He believed the second she took the cure her feelings for Stefan would resurface and what would Damon have? Nothing, he'd be ordinary just like the rest. Elena had used the cure argument against Damon. Telling him it wasn't what he really wanted which resulted in him doing a lot of soul-searching.

Losing Katherine had been Damon's final straw in 1864. A world without Katherine wasn't one worth living in, in his eyes. He had decided to not complete the transition but Stefan had other things in mind. Goodbye humanity and hello eternity. What he once viewed as a gift he had now seen as a curse, until Elena. Yes, Damon had been selfish because with Elena as a vampire he held onto the dream that they could be with each other forever. That curse now becoming a gift again only for the curse to be that roadblock. Being human was something he thought would never be in the cards again but it was and more so a human life with Elena was there as well. The thought of being human again scared him shitless but the thought of living a life without Elena? That was something he couldn't process. He'd learn to be human again and he'd learn to love humanity. There was something beautifully ironic about it all. Elena had given Damon back his humanity and now he'd be human because of her.

She had been ready

He had been ready

They had been closer to getting everything

Until fate entered in the cruelest of ways and everything they had been close to gaining had become nothing.

He had been left with nothing but a hole in his chest, something that would never be whole until she returned.

Vessel, that's what he had been. An empty vessel of a man who still existed yet didn't. The world had spun madly on without her. Everyone slowly started to move on again but Damon had barely found the strength to even move. Loved ones planned their futures but Damon couldn't do that because his was deep in slumber. Living a life without Elena wasn't worth living at all so for the first time he had run away. It was different for him. People believed running away was the easiest but for Damon, it had been the hardest because he had never been one to run. He couldn't face his problems head on because he hadn't been strong enough to face them without her.

Things only got worse without her during his awakening when he had blindly walked into the armory hearing her calling his name. His head had warned him it wasn't possible but his heart had been too focused on seeing his girl that thinking sensibly didn't exist. He had walked deeper into the darkness because he had believed he'd be embracing the light. Sadly, all he had found was more darkness.

Being controlled by a siren hadn't been the most horrible thing; it had been having Elena taken from him. With her gone, all goodness had left him. The man no longer existing, only the monster. It shouldn't have shocked him that even without her physically there somehow she'd end up saving him because she did. Somehow she in the form of her necklace had found her way back to him and it had been enough to fight off the control the sea witch had on him. Remembering Elena had been his saving grace because it had instilled hope in him again but that hope was once again threatened with the appearance of the devil and every hellish thing that would follow including hell.

* * *

Salvatore, as in savior and that's what Damon was doing now he was saving. Saving the two most important people in his life, the love of his life and his brother.

 _I will always choose you_

Damon had stayed true to his word and even though his methods were reckless and actions selfish he had always put Elena first. Now, he's putting her first again because he's choosing to let her live but he's also choosing to let his brother as well. There's nothing selfish about this, it's selfless and more importantly, it's right.

"I choose me."

Now saying it out loud and noticing that he Damon Salvatore actually surprised the devil.

"Stefan's immortal, he's lived a pretty supremely messed up life. His souls already damned. Take me you'll get us both eventually."

A devilish smile appearing on Cade's face.

"I have to say I'm intrigued."

Why did everything have to always be prolonged? Why couldn't he just accept the deal and be on with it instead of making Damon go through the theatrics of it all?

"Well act now because it's a one-time offer."

A groan catching his attention as he casts his attention down to see Stefan is slowly coming to.

"Are you aware of what you're offering me?"

 _I'm offering you the very last thread of hope that I've been carrying ever since losing my life_

"My soul, an eternal anguish, twisted black and delicious just like you like em."

How sad was this? Literally offering himself on a silver platter _served at just the right temperature_ he sarcastically thinks to himself.

"Come on"

Damon coaxes wanting to do everything to tempt the devil to accept his deal.

"Eat me"

He half-growls, biting back the disgust he feels at the statement.

"I'd like nothing more"

Seeing Cade turn his attention over towards the coffin that is in flames a flash of panic escapes him but no harm is done. Instead, Cade now tosses a makeshift stake at Damon's feet and Damon knows they have a deal.

"It requires you being dead."

Of course, of course, it would because when was it ever easy for him?

"No Damon please don't do it."

Stefan's voice now heard as he eyes his brother and then Cade. _You're begging me to not do it just like how I begged you not to face the devil on your own._ Stefan hadn't listened though and now it was Damon's turn to go against his brother's wishes.

Eyeballing what would be his executioner as he bends down and retrieves the stake. He had lived a long, full and happy life, well not fully happy but the happiness he had experienced would be enough to last him a lifetime. It would be enough to hold onto during his damnation.

"Sorry Stefan"

Damon's eyes now solely trained on his brother because this is goodbye. After over a century the Salvatore Brother's would be no more. It would simply be Stefan and he probably wouldn't even be referred to as the Salvatore brother, just Stefan.

"It's been a hell of a ride."

Inwardly cursing himself because it's the first time his voice has wavered. It's the first time he has to push back the tears he knows are threatening to form. He was right, though, it had been one hell of a ride. Back in 1864, Damon had sworn to deliver a lifetime of misery to his brother because he hated him with every fiber of his being and now he stood getting ready to sacrifice himself because of how much he loves his brother. It was the older brother's job to always protect his younger brother and that's what he's doing. He's looking out for his brother. Their brotherhood wasn't perfect. Hugs were a rarity and hearing the other say 'I love you' was a one in a million thing. They fought, beat each other to a bloody pulp, betrayed the other, resented the other but somewhere beneath it all was love. They'd die for each other and that's what Damon was doing now, dying for his brother.

There had been a time where Damon wouldn't have seen it as possible that he and Stefan would be brothers again. He had come to Mystic Falls with the intention of not only destroying the town but Stefan as well. He had almost succeeded in doing that but then another factor introduced themselves, Elena. Both Stefan and Damon had grown to care about her and had found a common goal in protecting her. Somewhere along the way, they had found their way of being brothers again. Without Elena, Damon never would have seen himself in this spot, choosing his brother over himself but he was. Elena had not only saved Damon but she had saved his relationship with Stefan making her and his brother the two most important people in his life so the choice was easy them or him, them.

Raising the stake and let it hover by his chest. He's ready to plunge it straight through because he's not going back on this but before he does he needs reassurance. He needs to know his death won't be in vain. That the people he's dying for will be okay.

"Put my girl out first. Then promise me you'll keep your grubby paws off her soul permanently."

Cade eyeing the Vampire for a moment before he glances back over to the coffin and to Damon's relief the flames suddenly are no more.

"Done"

Good, she's safe that's all he wants.

"Your move Damon."

 _No Damon don't_

Stefan's plea going ignored because he's gotten what he's wanted, both his loved ones safe.

"See you in hell Cade."

"Yes you will"

The way Cade replies causing Damon to feel a chill run through his body. It's going to be hell. He's going to experience a type of suffering he's never felt before and wishing for death won't be possible because he already is. He's going to spend the rest of eternity damned.

For the first time since making this deal he's scared, so he does the only thing that gives him strength, he looks to her. Moving his attention past Cade and focusing on the coffin before him. Only it's not the coffin that he sees, it's her. It's always been her. Every time his hands touched the coffin they weren't running along the lid, in his eyes, he was stroking her cheek. Everyone else saw only a coffin, but Damon only saw Elena.

 _We were so close. I tried so hard Elena._

 _I wanted to deliver that promise I made to you. I was scared of being human again but during your absence, not having you in my life gave me time to think. A lot of time. In that time I realized something. You don't need to have an eternal life for your love to live on forever. Our love would have lived on forever because of our children and our children's children. Our love story would have been told. It would have been a different kind of forever but our love would have lived on nonetheless. I see that now._

Fingers grasping the stake as he edges it closer. He knows Cade is watching with amusement waiting to collect his next soul but he never turns to him because he wants the last person he sees before meeting death to be Elena and only Elena.

 _You still are the best thing that has ever happened to me. When we first met I told you I wanted you to get everything you were looking for_

He would have been a good husband. Sure, they'd argue because whether vampire or human they'd still be messy and complicated but they'd be real. He would have been the type of husband who brought flowers home for his girl for no reason, just because. He'd be that husband who made it known to anyone around him that he was the luckiest bastard and he'd be that husband who would lose hours of sleep so he could help his wife study for her boards because he'd be her biggest supporter.

He had been scared of what type of father he'd be because his dad wasn't deserving of father of the year but now he realized he would have been a great dad. Boy or girl wouldn't have mattered. As long as their baby was healthy he'd consider himself the most blessed of men. He would have been that dad who if he had a little girl would have endured ridiculous dress up outfits doing anything to draw a smile from his daughter. He would have been their kid's biggest cheerleader and been proud of them no matter win or lose. He would have been everything his father wasn't, a father.

All of that had been so close within his reach that he had almost tasted that happiness but now it left a bitter taste in his mouth because he'd never reach it.

 _You still can_

Damon had thought that being human again would be their second chance but he was wrong. It could still be Elena's though. She could still have that life she spoke of. Live in a loft, be a general surgeon and eventually down the road become a mom. Everything about Elena was nurturing, she had always taken care of people and he knew she'd be a fantastic mom; he just wouldn't be the father. It kills Damon to come to this realization that he wouldn't be in the picture but he'd want her to live her life even if it no longer included him. Elena had given Damon back his life and now he would be giving her a chance to eventually be able to live hers.

He had lived his life. He had loved twice during his years on this earth and one of those loves had been consuming. That love had reached into the cold waters, pulled him out and breathed life back into him. That love had made him feel human again and that love had made him want to be human. He would get to leave this earth knowing that he had been loved by Elena Gilbert and nothing would ever be more beautiful than that.

Yes, he wasn't perfect. He had done awful things but he had proven that there was goodness in him and that he wasn't a lost cause like he believed himself to be. He had left his mark but if there was one thing he wanted people to remember about Damon Salvatore it's that he not only loved but was loved in return. That he, Damon Salvatore was worthy of being loved.

This is the only thought that keeps him composted, stops him from letting out the sob that is escaping him. He refuses to let the devil watch him break because there will be enough breaking in hell. This is what draws him to finally meet his end. He manages to give a small smile towards Elena's direction finding that last ounce of strength to hold onto and help him pierce the stake straight through his chest. His heart now squeezing on itself, he didn't scream, he didn't cry he just fell to his knees with an anticlimactic slump.

 _I love you_

 _Goodbye Baby_

Now, here he lies. His death as a human had been done for all the wrong reasons. Trying to rescue a woman who never wanted to be rescued by him in the first place. Dying for a love that was never returned making his death meaningless. This time was different though because he had died for love.

This time his death would mean something.

 **End**


End file.
